I was about to write a post about Valentine’s Day, and I got stuck. Why did I have problems with several Relationships?

Valentine’s a Special Day, or a hell Day?

I was never attached to celebrations like Christmas, liberty Day, or even religious Days. But one thing is for sure, these dates always marked me like a hot iron, especially Valentine’s Day. This one is a thing on its own because it reminds me of every relationship I had and the phrase “It’s not you, it’s me”.

Sure, hear that a couple of times and we start to think that the problem is yours, but after hearing the excuses without a valid reason to employ for the breakup we have a new one.

It’s not me, it’s their fault.

Yes, you might say that that sentence it’s kind of sexist or even that I’m blaming only the other side, but believe me, after hearing a couple of sentences, you’ll have the same opinion that I have about this. I’m not going to enumerate a list of them, we aren’t here for that, but I can give you a solid one. And for that, I must go to the past. Imagine doing that for every example…

Summer Valentine, or what I must call, 3 times it’s not the charm.

Yes, I had one girlfriend that I’ve tried to make things work with several times, the first time it ended was in the summer of 2010. Subject name? Mariana. Excuse? “You didn’t kiss me enough times”, what happened? Easy, she was texting my best friend that she wanted him back and didn’t know what the meaning of loyalty was. After asking her the reason, I, knowing what she had done, the excuse was spectacular. I don’t even know what was in my heart to forgive her more than 2 times and try to have a relationship with her again. But here was I, trying to make honey without bees.

Long Valentine’s Past behind, hello recent past.

It’s without any doubt that I had to grow a bit and these last months were hard to deal with, especially when depression and improvements are in the same boat. I learned a lot, especially with the episodes with Andreia. And others that gave me insights into what I could have done better and what I shouldn’t have done. I’m not saying that I’m Mister perfect, but with the things I do and the things I respect, I must be at least 20% near Mister perfect. And for that, I’m good in the position that I’m in and I won’t change anything more just because someone wants a different person or thinks that I could improve in some way. Maybe next Valentine’s Day I’ll be with someone who truly deserves the man that I am.

And yes in the process of changing myself, I changed so much that I even scared some girls, but that will be another thing to talk about in a different post, until then, gazing your eyes on the page “about me”, should give you an idea of why I scared some girls.

So, what changed for the next Valentine’s Day?

I know that this kind of end to a post about this subject can be a bit cliché but I’m not going to take more time than needed. Many things changed. I’m still the person with a golden heart but for me, enough of playing around is enough. Valentine’s Day always was like hell to me but this year I’m hopeful that things might change. I don’t want to be, again, on the boat of giving all of me to a person who does not know or even is sure that she wants to be with me. I’m enough of that.

These times of craziness, where almost everyone gets laid almost every night it’s not for me and I hope that the next person that I’ll give a shot at love knows that now it’s more difficult to gain my trust and it’s more difficult for me to give it all to an uncertainty. For hell’s sake, I’m 27, not 18 years old.